Think about the last two to three years (i.e. pre-pandemic) of life and how we’ve gone about communicating within our social circles. How many human interactions versus digital interactions do you think you’ve had per day on average? How present are you in these interactions?

These are some of the questions sociologists, psychologists, and commercial marketers think about in order to capitalize on our social habits. Why do we put so much of the changing nature of our communication habits and norms in the hands of others? Communication has drastically changed since the turn of the century given the digital revolution we’ve experienced.

Every interaction is now psychologically tied to a digital means.

• Want to hit up a friend - send them a text.

• Need to reach out to a colleague - email or ping them.

• Searching for information - fire up Siri.

As a result, our social interactions and day to day life are subconsciously tied to a smartphone or other digital device. I’m not against technology by any means - I’m reaching you through technology as we speak in fact! But as human beings, we’re social beings that desire community and forming lasting, deep relationships with others.

I want to particularly focus on the word “deep” in the previous statement. When we communicate, how present are we in our communication? Do we always care to notice the subtle, non-verbal cues others perform when a particular topic of emotion appears in conversation? As they do say, most communication is non-verbal, yet we often don’t pick up on these subtleties since we aren’t always present in the conversation.

The most heartbreaking fact that comes as a result of this is the fact that work projects and relationships deteriorate due to:

• Too many comments that don’t take into account the specific needs of your audience

• The slow realization that you’ve known someone for years on end but, in reality, you know little to nothing about them in truth

These are some of the actions and outcomes that we fail to realize initially since we haven’t taken the time to understand our selves in the process. So how do we get better at this "basic” thing that is communicating in the modern day and age?

Well, it boils down to authenticity. Authenticity is hard to find in the everyday, common conversations, more often than not since we’re wired to think that every communication has to have a specific goal or outcome tied to it. There are situations and places for that, don’t get me wrong. In a more casual setting though, authenticity opens up a brand new world when it comes to communication.

Finding authenticity in yourself and within the person, or people, with whom you’re talking to works wonders. Understanding your personal likes and dislikes, how those unfold in the form of communication, and how you naturally react to different types of instigators, positive and negative, can allow you to become more present in communication and aware of the best way to interact with your audience.

Likewise, understanding your audience’s communication style and adapting to it is vital. More often that not, we lead with a sense of ego whenever we communicate with others, even if the conversation is naturally geared towards pleasing the other party. This is where communication in general becomes difficult as we all try to balance on the tight rope that is managing yourself and your audience’s needs.

Authentically knowing yourself and the other individual(s) emotional needs, work priorities, life goals, etc. will lead to greater clarity. In the modern day and age, there is a huge disconnect in communication as a result of miscommunication and lack of social demographic awareness. What do I exactly mean by that?

From personal observations, there is a stark difference between how the baby boomer and gen-X folks communicate versus how the gen-Y and gen-Z folks communicate. Due to the times, baby boomers and gen-X individuals naturally had to communicate in a more direct manner due to the lack of technology to transmit messages within an instant. On the other hand, gen-Y and gen-Z individuals find more varied, creative ways to communicate that do tend to tread towards a less direct manner of expression, relatively speaking. As a slight tangent, this disconnect is, in large part, the central tenant to the mental health crisis the world is experiencing, but that’s a whole other conversation for another day.

The lack of responding to feedback is largely what plays into this disconnect and ensuing negative results. In the flow of conversation, not responding to initial feedback from your recipient leads to a broken chain of communication going forward. Examining the communication chain or flow, we can more or less simplify it down to:

1. Sender transmits the initial message

2. Recipient processes the initial message

3. Recipient accordingly responds to the initial message

4. Sender processes the response

5. Sender accordingly responds by repeating steps 1 through 4

Notice how communication is an endless feedback loop and cycle that easily can break down from the get go. Once there’s a breakdown in the first interaction, salvaging the authenticity of the interaction becomes less and less likely without a drastic change to the process. So why not get it right from the get go, right?

Leading with an intention to:

1. Authentically let go of the ego in balancing the favor of the other individual(s)

2. Strip the urge to normalize back to our clutches (e.g. devices or psychological habits)

3. Be vulnerable to remove social barriers

Can prove all the more useful in navigating your conversations.

Communication, at the end of the day, is a craft that we’re all constantly forced to deal with and learn from. Different cultures, languages, mediums, etc. all present additional layers of consideration that have to be taken into account. Take for instance this post - how I communicated this message to you might have worked well or not at all, and that is something I’ll need to learn through self-assessment and audience feedback. Regardless, aiming to become more present, more vulnerable, and more authentic is the driving force towards this lifelong act that is navigating the art of modern communication. Now sit back, relax, enjoy your cup of coffee or tea, and authentically enjoy the presence of and conversation with others with a more open heart.